How she wished she could go back to the good old days.

The path that had been well traveled was now-covered with tall grass and weeds. Tina followed the path, and the dried grass cracked beneath her feet. Withering weeds wrapped around her slim legs, leaving a burning sensation on her sensitive skin.

The dust on the trail swirled in a twisting, whirling motion around her feet. It was as if the dust joined in alliance with the grass and weeds. From a nearby pine tree, a woodpecker seemed to be welcoming her by tapping his Morse code.

Tina paused. She closed her troubled green eyes. In her mind’s eye she could see her husband, Ted. His dark brown eyes were always smiling. His love of life generated from him. Ted had been her anchor. She had depended entirely on him for her strength. She shook her head and whispered, "Why? Why God? Did he have to die? He was so young, only thirty-two."

Tina opened her eyes and started down the path again. Small stones rattled downward with every step she took.

A small cabin soon came into view. It was just as she remembered. Yet there was a definite difference. Years of neglect had taken their toll. The cabin no longer looked happy and full of cheer. Weather and other elements had beaten and worn it down. The glass in the windows that once held out the rain and cold was now broken and jagged.

When she reached the cabin, Tina shook her head. Why? Why had she come back? She walked up the shaky steps that cracked and creaked under her. The wood was blistered and worn, no longer smooth and shining. Tina’s legs began to shake, so she lowered herself to sit on the top step. She slid her finger over the rough wood and a splinter went into her finger. She quickly put the finger to her mouth and pulled out the sliver with her teeth. Her finger started to bleed so she sucked the warm blood until the bleeding stopped. The pain in her finger was nothing compared to the pain that consumed her whole being.

Coming back to this place was almost more than she could bear. Twelve years ago in this cabin, she and Ted had spent their honeymoon. They had shared everything. Intimate secrets were whispered in the early dawn. Their hopes and dreams of all their tomorrows bound them even closer. God had blessed her with this man. She could not believe he was gone, forever.

A sudden scattering of pine needles started her. Two gray squirrels were running through the dried pine needles chattering busily to one another. As Tina watched them play, her attention was drawn to the small lake, which was just ahead of the cabin. Tall pine trees surrounded it. They were like a stairway leading toward the fluffy white clouds that hung so low. Lavender-blue wildflowers along with honey-yellow goldenrod intertwined with the well-hidden grass along the bank. The fragrance of the flowers and the pine produced a sweet aroma in the air.

Tina remembered how Ted and she had run through the grass together. Ted had loved this place. He had called it "God’s Masterpiece." Even now the beauty was breathtaking.

As if wanting recognition, the sun peeked out between the clouds with its brilliant rays, casting a diamond-like radiance on the water.

Mesmerized, Tina walked toward the lake. A large rock was near the water so she knelt down on it. Unconsciously she lowered her fingers into the cool water and began to splash. A refreshing feeling went through her. The water seemed to be holding out an invitation to her, bidding her to enter. Was this the answer? Should she end all this pain she was feeling? It would be so easy.

Suddenly silver streaks flashed luminously across the water. Schools of silver fish swam uniformly in front of her.

Easing herself back onto the rock, she could feel warm tears on her cheeks. What in the world could she have been thinking? How could she ever consider taking her own life? She knew life was a gift, a gift from God.

Tina inhaled deeply. She filled her lungs with the clean, fresh air. When she exhaled, she felt a peace, one she hadn’t felt in so long. There was One who cared. God cared. He loved her so much that He sent His one and only Son to die for her. How could she have been so selfish? All she had thought about was her pain. She had not only shut out her family and friends, but she had also shut out God.

Tina raised up on her knees and cried, "Father, forgive me. I need you so much. Please, help me."

The wind seemed to whisper to her and she remembered a verse from the Bible. One she had read many years ago. "He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds."

Tina stood up. She looked toward the heavens and nodded. She now understood why she had come back. God wanted her here, to remember. Her marriage had been blessed and although Ted was now gone the memories of their love would never die.

Tina walked back to the path. With God’s help she would make it. She now knew that one should cherish the past, but one could never live in it.

Yesterdays gone but tomorrow is but a breath away...

© Sharon Niese